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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387756">Even If</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aj_linguistik/pseuds/aj_linguistik'>aj_linguistik</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SAO Pride Week 2020 [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sword Art Online (Anime &amp; Manga), ソードアート・オンライン - 川原礫 | Sword Art Online - Kawahara Reki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Day 4, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Love at First Sight, Memory Loss, One Shot, Pining, SAO Prideweek 2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:01:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,609</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387756</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aj_linguistik/pseuds/aj_linguistik</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Submission for Day 4 of SAO Pride Week 2020- Knight in Shining Armor/Comfort</p><p>Dakira has been summoned from the celestial realm to serve the pontifex, Administrator, in the human realm. But a memory she shouldn't have is bothering her. She can't take her mind off of it; at least, not until her new commanding officer comes to help her take her mind off of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fanatio Synthesis Two/Dakira Synthesis Twenty-Two</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SAO Pride Week 2020 [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838614</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>SAO Pride Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Even If</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N: With War of Underworld having been mostly animated (with a few more weeks to go!!!), I wanted to touch on a character who got a big moment in the war but very little time with us overall. So, hi, here I am with Dakira/Fanatio feels.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            Her mind is all fuzzy as she comes to in room with white marble walls and a matching floor. She’s the only person in the room save for a woman in front of her, who has long, lavender hair that reaches down to her ankles and mirror-like eyes that almost reflect her own face back at her. The woman’s beauty was astounding—it took her breath away. She smiled down at her, a very faint, unreadable sort of smile. Her right hand was extended.</p><p>            “Dakira Synthesis Twenty-Two,” she said.</p><p>            The woman’s voice, too, made her gasp. It was icy, yet musical and soft. It had an allure that she couldn’t quite name. Dakira? Was that her name? She pressed a hand to her chest. Cold metal greeted her fingers. She looked down. Armor covered almost every inch of her body. She tried to think back before this moment—everything was empty. The woman with the mirror eyes spoke again, directing her confusion to focus on her.</p><p>            “You must be disoriented,” she said. “You’ve been summoned from the Divine Realm to serve under me, the Pontifex of the Axiom Church, as one of my Integrity Knights. You may call me Administrator.”</p><p>            She didn’t quite understand, but she knew that she should kneel. It felt like the proper thing to do in this situation. Her position was a great one, if she understood correctly. As a servant, it was her duty to kneel before her master. Administrator hummed. She sounded pleased. She took a step closer to her. Dakira felt her nerves start to get at her. She couldn’t displease this woman. It would be of the highest of offenses.</p><p>            As she got down on her knees, she thought she heard the woman let out a short laugh. Was this amusing to her? She meant no disrespect. This leader of the human world would act in ways that were unfamiliar, she was sure of it. Dakira pressed her right fist over her heart. There was so much pressure on her to succeed and be the servant she was meant to be. She found herself quivering.</p><p>            “You will be assigned to train under Lady Fanatio by request,” she said. “Fanatio Synthesis Two wishes for you to join her. Senator Chudelkin, please show her to her quarters. Lady Fanatio will introduce herself shortly.”</p><p>            Dakira could only nod her head. A stout, rather unpleasant-looking man with brightly colored clothing then appeared, chuckling and cackling as he asked her to follow him. His mouth never ceased running as she followed him down the pristine marble halls. She didn’t look around much; she kept her eyes at a point on Chudelkin’s back as he walked along, muttering about this and that. The pressure in her chest was building up.</p><p>            This woman she was supposed to serve under had a number in her name just like she did. If she was twenty-two, and this Fanatio was two, then she must be very important and strong. Yet another person that Dakira would have to pay utmost respect to. She told herself it would do her no good to cower as she thought about these powerful people, but what could she do? She was new here, and she was the bottom of the chain. All she could do was cower and hope that the respect she gave to these great people was enough.</p><p>            Chudelkin stopped before a room and waved her into it with a superfluous bow. She mumbled a thanks to him and entered the space. He told her that Lady Fanatio would call on her when she was ready. Until then, Dakira had time to settle in and sort her thoughts. The activity didn’t appeal to her. There was nothing else for her to do, however, so she glanced around the room, taking it all in with a frown. She pressed her fingers to her head.</p><p>            “Nothing…”</p><p>            Her head felt so empty she was lost in it. Every ounce of who she was or the heavenly realms she’d supposedly come from were gone. Was this a part of the sacrifice one had to make in order to serve the pontifex here in the human world? She doubted that anyone knew this beforehand. Who would choose to give up everything, their memories included, to come and serve? It must be such a high honor for her to have been selected, of course. So, she must make do with what she has.</p><p>            She glances in a mirror placed over a vanity by the bed. Her face is young and decorated with freckles. Her long hair has been braided into two long tails running down her front. Her eyes are golden, reminding her of honey. Honey? Was there something like that here? Where was she recalling such a thing from? She ran her fingers over one of her braids. This memory loss was strange, indeed.</p><p>            The door behind her opened up. She whirled around to face the newcomer, who was wearing silver armor much like her own. The owner of that armor wore a mask that covered their face. In any case, she wasn’t going to take the risk of being rude. She knelt down on the floor, bowing her head in reverence to the senior knight before her. There was a chuckle. The knight bowed back at her.</p><p>            “There’s no need to be so formal here, Dakira,” the knight said.</p><p>            They lifted the bottom of their helmet, pulling it off of their head to reveal the face of a woman with dark, wavy hair, golden eyes, and a gentle smile on her lips. Dakira felt her heart begin to ram against her ribcage beneath the armor. This was a familiar sensation. The woman before her was so beautiful, it took her breath away. But at the same time, a feeling that made heat rise in her cheeks suddenly had her feeling afraid. What was this fear deep down in her heart? Why did she quiver at her own emotions? Something in the back of her head played out, vague and distant.</p><p>            A girl bent over an altar, sobbing and asking the gods why her love for another girl was wrong. Pain throbbing in her chest as she confessed a sin that made no sense being a sin in the first place. A knight come to take her away.</p><p>            She grasped the side of her head. No, that couldn’t be right. That image was clearly just a stray thought in her head. She shook her head and bowed it once more, pressing her hand to her chest just as she’d done before with Administrator. There was only one reason to bow her head. Respect. Respect out of fear.</p><p>            “Please, Dakira,” the woman said. “My name is Fanatio Synthesis Two. I haven’t come here for you to bow your head at me. I came to introduce myself.”</p><p>            Fanatio’s boots came into view. Dakira lifted her head and saw the great knight kneeling down before her. She offered her one armor-covered hand, a gesture that felt equally warm and cool. She swallowed and reached her hand out to take it, but she hesitated. Was this a test?</p><p>            “What are you afraid of, Dakira?” Fanatio asked.</p><p>            Words stuck in her throat. What could she say to that? An image that appeared in her head as she gazed upon her new leader, completely starstruck by her beauty, troubled her. There was a fear in her heart that told her it was not permitted for her to look at another woman this way. But more than anything else, a different fear was coming to the surface. The longer she stared at Fanatio’s face, the more she was afraid of being rejected by her. What would she say if she knew that Dakira found her alluring?</p><p>            “I suppose I don’t know, Lady Fanatio,” she said.</p><p>            Her voice sounded so meek in that moment. How afraid was she? It was leaking out of her mouth, like a flask with a hole in the bottom. She couldn’t allow herself to appear weak before her leader. This was unsightly. The urge to get up and run welled up inside of her, but could she outrun the woman with the ran of two? She doubted it. Instead, she had to remain there, shaking in her armor like a frightened child.</p><p>            Fanatio smiled at her, though, either unaware of her shaking or aware and uncaring. She closed the distance between their hands and grasped Dakira’s outstretched fingers. She readjusted her grip, and then she stood up, pulling her to her feet as well. Dakira swallowed and told herself to look away, but Fanatio took her cheek in her hand and stilled her.</p><p>            Once again, she felt as if her heart might burst. The gentleness with which she cupped her cheek made her pulse race, but as she looked into her leader’s eyes, the fear she’d felt a moment before melted away. There was something comforting about her gaze and her touch. This woman wouldn’t condemn her.</p><p>            “We all felt very confused and afraid when we came to this world,” Fanatio said. “It’s not a fair feeling, but it’s one we all experienced when we chose to fight for the human world. Our job is a sacred one—one that requires no small amount of bravery.”</p><p>            Dakira’s heart wavered for a moment.</p><p>            “But I think that at the start, we’re all permitted a little weakness,” Fanatio said. “No one comes into the world standing on their own two feet. The same could be said of us Integrity Knights. You’ll find your place. You’ll stand on your own.”</p><p>            <em>Who are you, Lady Fanatio, that you shine so brightly upon first meeting?</em></p><p>            “All I ask is that you share your weakness with me, so that you don’t have to bear it alone,” she said.</p><p>            Dakira swallowed and numbly nodded her head.</p><p>            “Do you still sometimes feel afraid, my lady?” she asked.</p><p>            Her voice still sounded so meek, but she was less afraid of it sounding so. She was in a safe place here. There was no need to worry about what Fanatio would think of her. Not after her kind words just then.</p><p>            Smiling, Fanatio gave no indication of whether or not she felt afraid. There was something—something significant—that she must have been hiding behind that smile. She clearly wasn’t the type to show fear. As expected of one of the greatest Integrity Knights. She accepted Dakira’s fear and weakness so easily, yet she hid her own to remain a strong leader.</p><p>            But Fanatio’s lips parted. She spoke, telling her honestly of her own weakness.</p><p>            “I fight wearing this helmet,” she said, “because I fear the scorn of men who would not fight a woman.”</p><p>            Even her fear seemed stronger and less pathetic than Dakira’s own troubles.</p><p>            “Lady Fanatio,” she said. “Do you ever fear yourself?”</p><p>            Those confident eyes wavered for just a moment, shocked by the question. If she knew about this disoriented, memory-less state, then she naturally knew that it would be strange to fear oneself as soon as they entered this world. She had nothing to base her fear off of. She was an empty slate, completely blank in every way. What was there for her to fear? The emptiness?</p><p>            No, just this scene.</p><p>            Was it a memory?</p><p>            Or was it nerves?</p><p>            Either way, her question must have sounded bizarre. As Fanatio’s eyes glittered in thought, Dakira wondered if she should take back her question. She held in her breath as she waited for her answer. Taking it back now would only show yet another fear. It was better to start off her relationship with Fanatio based off of honesty and sincerity. She needed to stick with what she’d asked to show that she would not waver.</p><p>            <em>You’ve already earned my loyalty, Lady Fanatio.</em></p><p>            Another smile tugged at Fanatio’s lips. This one was different than the last, though. It wasn’t meant to hide something or hint at something she didn’t want to share. No, this smile appeared to be more amused than anything else. Was she laughing at her? Dakira felt her heart skipping again. No, she wasn’t laughing at her. Just at her question. Either way it went, it didn’t matter to her. This smile took her breath just the same as the last.</p><p>            “Don’t we all?” she said.</p><p>            It was such a simple answer to a rather complicated question.</p><p>            “I don’t understand,” Dakira said.</p><p>            Fanatio chuckled and pulled Dakira into a hug.</p><p>            “There’s much that you have to learn about yourself, Dakira,” she said. “Whatever it is that you fear about yourself, in time, you will either come to accept, love, or fight. I hope that your heart finds peace with itself. Fearing oneself is natural, too, but remember that you are the only person in control of yourself. You fear something within your own control.”</p><p>            She wanted to cry out that she couldn’t control this. Looking at Fanatio made her feel things that she couldn’t block out of herself. It wasn’t possible. It was instinct. Nothing she could ever do would stop her from gazing at such a lovely woman and feeling a burning in her chest, telling her that nothing could compare to her beauty.</p><p>            But she thought about it. It wasn’t that Fanatio wished for her to control these feelings. She was reminding her that she was the only person who could act on them. Even if her heart chose who she loved for her, she was the one who would confess with her lips. She was the one who would decide who knew and who did not. She would be the one to one day share that love.</p><p>            And she would be the one to love herself.</p><p>            For the first time since her arrival in the human realm, Dakira smiled. She smiled so wide that her cheeks hurt. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Why did it feel so good to be told something like this? Fanatio couldn’t know what secrets were locked in her heart. Dakira didn’t know them, either. But her words soothed something far beyond memory itself. Something that made Dakira who she was, even if she couldn’t quite remember herself.</p><p>            <em>Lady Fanatio…you are light.</em></p><p>            Fanatio reached up and brushed the tears off of Dakira’s face, once again gracing her with that gentle, pleasant smile. Her heart longed for her to kiss those smiling lips. But now was not the right time. She was in control, after all. So long as her lady was here to comfort her when she felt weak, she could hold in these feelings until the time was right. Until then, she would stay by her side, supporting her with everything she had.</p><p>            “I look forward to working with you, Dakira,” Fanatio said.</p><p>            Dakira nodded, her heart feeling light.</p><p>            “And I with you,” she said.</p><p>            <em>Thank you.</em></p><p>            As Fanatio left the room, letting her know where training would be and when it would begin, she now clutched both of her hands over her heart. This time, things would be different. This time, it wouldn’t end in tears.</p><p>            She glanced up at the mirror.</p><p>            “This time…?” she murmured.</p><p>            The image of the girl crying at the altar flashed into her mind again. She nodded. For that little girl, she’d cherish Fanatio with all of her heart. She smiled at herself in the mirror. The mental image now had Dakira standing over the girl, offering her hand as Fanatio had offered hers.</p><p>            <em>There’s no need to cry. </em></p><p>            <em>Your love is your own. </em></p><p>
  <em>            And it is yours to give to whomever you choose.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            Even if she is another girl.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N: Also I'm very sorry this one is very serious. It just struck me as such a serious thing that Dakira needed. I hope it was still a good read!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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